Excerpts from The Secret Language of Relationships:

Aside from our entrance into this world and our exit from it, it is rarely our fate to be alone. In fact, the common wisdom is that creatures raised in isolation withdraw, go mad, can even wither and, ultimately, die. So, this need for others appears to be inescapable.

Most of us desire that one special person with whom we can share our joys and sorrows, our triumph and despair, the one with whom we can be most ourselves. For many of us, just one is enough, and the magic of meeting such a person, the shock of recognition, can be among the most heartfelt and thrilling of human experiences. ...Without an appreciative partner with whom to share our lives, the glory of riches, of fame, of achievement fades to dust and ashes.

And what about the firm rule of many psychological theories and spiritual teachings: the other is the self? That is, the being that we encounter in the other is really just an aspect of ourselves, positive or negative, and thus is nothing more than a mirror for who we are.

A relationship is a rather mysterious and amazing third entity, one that can come to lead an existence independent of the will or desire of its two partners, once things get going. As a matter of fact, in certain cases a relationship can prove far stronger than either individual, leading us to believe that a certain king of synergy is at work. The energy of the whole (the relationship) is often far greater than the sum of its parts (the two individuals).

It is in relating to others that many of us reach our most creative peaks, and achieve our greatest ends. Formed by the co-mingling of its partners' energies, if you will, or strengths , weaknesses, and personality quirks, this new third form, the relationship, has its own personality, its own strengths, its own weaknesses. It is a wise person who understands this. Moreover, is it possible that what attracts us to someone in many cases is less who the other is and more what the relationship is – what we may potentially create together.

Building a good relationship is really less an act of construction than working on what exists. It seems to depend a great deal on maintaining a healthy balance between the individual ego and the group spirit, or between selfishness and surrender.