On Love, Life and Relating - Recently Updated Pages

Mississippi Mantra

captaink — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 15:36:44 CDT

I saw the sun rise and set today

Like the deepest breath in meditation.

A day full of moments in which

to be present with friends I call family

and strangers I call friends.

KRF April 2009

My Success

captaink — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 23:34:18 CDT

They say that behind every successful man is a woman.
You stood behind me one day - surprising me
Your hands gently resting on my shoulders
Your reassuring touch comforting to my soul.

It was then I felt the connection
That has kept us going.
No words spoken, no visual cues, just touch
Communicating all that was necessary.

Today we continue tuning into each other through touch
Our connection ebbing and flowing with daily circumstances
So we depart most mornings after an energizing embrace.
Our souls merging, anticipating the next time we will be together.

You are there behind me, a motivational force unknown before.
A compliment to my life, a pathway to the future.
My success is important now I have a family with which to share it.
A family who appreciates it, a family that defines it!

Stand beside me now, we'll share our support
As we move toward enhancing our success.
Though the path sometimes seems unclear
Together we have the ability to reach our dreams.

7/2001
KRF

Good Morning

captaink — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 23:25:34 CDT

I awoke this morning, the hurried rush of the day began with
the alarm. What do I have to do today? Is there anything I'm forgetting?
Oh! to linger in your radiant warmth. The shower calls.

Round the bed I shuffle, your face buried in the comfort of the pillow.
You stir and turn as I head for the bathroom door. Your face now uncovered
as it nestles in the embrace of your arm.

I pause and watch, your face echoes contentment. The edges of your mouth up-turned,
revealing the essence of happiness. There is a glow about you I cannot
Help but notice. Carefree, beautiful, and loving. It is what kindles the flame inside.

Your eye open to catch my gaze. How long had I been watching?
If but for a few seconds, it had seemed like an eternity. Your smile greets
me like a sunrise bursting over the mountain top. A kiss for you is my offering.

Good morning the day has begun.

7/2001
krf

My Portrait

captaink — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 23:15:17 CDT

I sit and pose for you hoping
To capture the essence of my heart.
I trust the camera and its operator
To see me as you do...
To freeze that moment in time.

Twist and lean, look here - look there
Head up, head down... hold it...snap!
I think of you as I contort my body
Holding unnatural positions as the camera
Remembers your Captain through eye, jaw and brow.

Black and white and shades of gray
Define my outline - but three dimensions emerge
As light reflects off my face
Revealing purity and flaws
For onlookers to see.

However my true light shines
Through my eyes for you,
As I give you me for Valentines.
A portrait by which you will always see
How I view you as you view me.

2/14/02
KRF

October Sunday

captaink — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 14:04:15 CDT

The clouds clear from the first fall rain.
Fresh filtered morning sun pours into the room.
Energies merge in the radiance of the moment.

Familiar beauties spin the heart.
A smile, a bow, a hug.
Remembering openess, expansion, Love.

October 2008
KRF

Rumi

captaink — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 13:42:36 CDT

There's no light like yours, no breeze
quick enough to carry your fragrance.

When intelligence leaves its castle
and walks through your forest lane,

it doesn't know where or who it is,
it sits on the ground and babbles.

from "The Soul of Rumi"
translated by Coleman Barks

Welcome

captaink — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 11:36:47 CDT

There is no abstract available for this page revision.

Death Defying Acts

captaink — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 00:12:34 CST

Love...it's what men and women do. Keeps the winter at bay- the loneliness at at bay. And sometimes if you're really lucky, down amongst the sweaty sheets you find a tiny bit of true human love.

Maggie McGarvie

(Catherine Zeta Jones)

Death Defying Acts

Power Journey #4

captaink — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 17:18:09 CST

At home again, I walk familiar paths.
Misty morning fog deposits dew

On silken threads of spider webs.

Alone, yet one with all who are here,

We ascend stone steps to the Sun.

Atop this pyramid with eyes closed

Vulnerable hearts freed of fear

Open like roses in springtime.

The blackness of my heavenly meditation

Reveals an all encompassing love.

Sunlight melts away the morning mist.

Puppy dog eyes fill with tears.

In the mirror of your eyes I see myself

A beautiful being longing for embrace,

To be held and loved.

11/2008 KRF

Hearts Fire

captaink — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 16:44:51 CST

One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul and yet no one ever came to sit by it. Passers-by see only a wisp of smoke from the chimney and continue on their way.

-Vincent van Gogh

Grand Coliseums

captaink — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 18:00:20 CDT

We are all grand coliseums,

Our vibrant and sometimes weathered architecture

Displayed to the world of assumptions.

Our shell built from lifetimes past.

Inside, intricate passageways lead to chambers deep.

Distracted, we roam the corridors of past and future,

An endless journey to a non-existent destination.

The ornate rooms of restlessness and seeking keeping us from the path to our soul.

The heart is our arena.

Love and compassion reside here,

The gladiators combat the lions of fear

Whose fangs of desire, ill will and doubt drip with suffering.

The belly, our armory.

The breath, our fire,

Together they forge

The shield of our spirit .

Daily we strive for victory, the chalice of truth.

The knowledge that true victory is not in the

Killing of the lion but befriending it,

As we are both one and the same.

KRF 8/7/2008

Lavender's Mudra

captaink — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 23:29:45 CDT

The show was about to begin as
I walked through the peaceful garden
To cross the red bridge over the waterless stream
The lavender bush greeted me as we shook hands
My palm cupping its flowers- capturing the scent
It's calming aroma- a gift for my senses

As the curtains of my eyes lifted
A fluttering in the distance caught my attention
The butterfly swooped and circled round the petals
Where I had earlier passed.
The iridescent lavender flowers radiated
In the soft light of the sun.

The curtains closed - the scene faded into
The darkness of my being - I imagined
My hands coming together - fluttering
About the gardens of my body and soul,
Pausing at the memory of my friend and
Drinking in the joyful warmth of her smile and giggle.

Appreciating the moments of the heart
The curtains rose again upon the inquisitive bee
Sipping the juices of the lavender flower.
Oh, to taste your sweet nectar from the hive.
Softly the curtains fell again - blackness, warmth, comfort.
What will life's next scene reveal?

Kirk Fuller 7/1/2007

More Than A Year Later

captaink — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 09:22:31 CDT

Ok, so I missed writing about what it was like in my life after a year of being single. Perhaps it was because I was away in Tennessee, surrounded by enchanted forests of pine and Dogwood. I was the only male participant amount 20 or so women at this inspirational place called Gray Bear. It was a week long Yoga retreat with Mary Paffard. Presence was the title of the gig. I was with what has now become my Tennessee family of Yogi's who I'd met the previous summer at Yoga Mendocino in Ukiah. It felt like I was home. I had been and still suffer from bouts of connectedness to family ~ definitely first Chakra work. Yet the warmth and openness of these people was comforting to me. We were all there working on ourselves and supporting eachother.

But back to the issue at hand. One year or more later after my relationship with Alicia reached its changing point, I have my freedom back and so does she. Our paths have parted miles apart. Her girls, Carly and Savannah, though not biologically tied to me, were a big part of my life for seven years and I can't help but feel a connectedness to them. They are at that age when they pull away, claim their independence and ignore adult figures in pursuit of their own pleasures. I hear from them once in a while. They did come out for a weekend at the family cabin and stayed with me in Ukiah briefly. It was great to catch up. They, as does my Yoga practice, reinforce the need to let go.

I traveled a bit this year and met many new friends on my journey. Some, have ignited my heart with an uncanny sense of connectedness, love and acceptance. Funny, though, that the women I have fallen for in my travels have all had partners. Most recently, I met a woman, who in my opinion was the spitting image of the Goddess Venus! Unexpectedly she lit up every part of my body in the first minute of our meeting eachother. Her radient light illuminated even the darkest parts of my being. Her eyes gently cradled my soul. Yet, I knew someone this beautiful and kind person would not be single and I was OK with that. I was more excited about the fact that I could still feel in such a way and that my mind did not run off into fantasy land and make up all the stories that create that false sense of longing, wanting and desire. I was just experiencing was was in that moment and it and she were beautiful.

What these experiences are showing me is a contrast in me of wanting to have intimacy back in my life, to have a partner and needing to protect myself from hurt and rejection. It has brightly illuminated my wound from my previous relationship that I have so carefully distracted myself from looking at this year. Wow, it is a wound, it does go deep and it will heal. Ahhh, now that's better. So when I am ready life will present me again with what I need to advance to the next stage.

My belief that Alicia and I were deeply connected and would eventually come back together has faded with time. Heart felt communication, boundary setting, and personal and physical development are my focus now. As I write this from my dinning room table, I have two of my best friends from Tennessee in my house for a Yoga Summer Intensive. They are the loveliest women and they are on their phones talking with their respective partners. They have been apart from them for over a week now. I am a bit envious right now but in time I will have what I need in relationship. So what do I need in this moment? A hug would be nice. And I have many friends from which to ask for a hug. I am grateful for all of you and what you have contributed to my rebirth this past year. I love you all.

8/1/08

KRF

Fallen Masks

captaink — Fri, 02 May 2008 08:54:22 CDT

Pillars of assumptions encircle
Our hell nourishing the dead.
They crumble with awareness, barren
And decayed, no longer to dance with fear.

Fear opens the doorway to the voices
Now heard without reaction
Held in love and compassion.
I am ~ Not them.

Fallen masks line the avenue of the dead
The plazas of the heart reveal our authenticity.
Our oneness reflected in the eyes of another.
Our Godliness manifest.

Love lives in this moment
Illuminating our light.
Shine brightly now ~ unconditionally
Acknowledge yourself ~ Love.

4/28/2008
Kirk Fuller

The Gray Bear

captaink — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 08:20:14 CDT

The Gray Bear

Winter's darkness eased as springs' light emerged
A rumble in the distant sky
warned of cleansing to come
The Gray Bear began to work its magic.

Outside, The dogwood blooms emerged
Reborn anew for another year
Faith too blooms again, sure of what it hopes for
And certain of what it cannot see

Inside, forgotten pathways lead deep
into the dark woods of the soul
Uneven, muddy, slippery ground,
The heart remembers what it longs for

Earth, water, fire and air
The wolves of transformation
Come fourth into consciousness
Signaling~guardianship, ritual, loyalty and spirit

The Gray Bear winters in the heart
Warm sun rays end hibernation
Rested and renewed
It shares its love again.

Kirk Fuller
4/2/2008

Knowable Silence

captaink — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 21:29:12 CDT

Knowable Silence

The knowable silence is all around us.

It's the syncopated yet rhythmic drone
of the ocean waves.

The pop and crackle of the acacia buds
as they release their seed.

The screeching chatter of parrots vying for the best
spot in the tree.

The tinkling of utensils at mealtime, the flip flop
of sandals and grinding of gravel under foot.

It's the purr of the flame on the wick – the whisper
of the breeze through the bush -

And the soft flow of breath that invites us
in to the knowable silence within.

March 11, 2008
Haramara Retreat Center, Mexico
KRF

Love This Life Poem by David Culiner

captaink — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 12:42:38 CST

LovethisLife...

is about celebrating the moment and that

we're not guaranteed or owed another day

and how cool it is that what we hide

can actually be the fuel towards our glory

and that it's not so bad being proven wrong

LovethisLife...

is about welcoming the blind turn

and the possibility that

there's no such thing as coincidence

and that empathy is incredibly sexy

and that it's never too late to

pick up a guitar or a paintbrush

or to make an amend or to make a new friend

LovethisLife...

could be about rekindling a past flame

or igniting a new one

or shapeshifting from a dreamer into a doer

or savouring the caress of a love long gone

LovethisLife...

means whatever it is you want it to mean because

LovethisLife...

is a celebration of you and your path

LovethisLife...

'cuz it could go at any second

you rock.

No. 3 of the Four Quarters

captaink — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 12:27:38 CST

from THE DRY SALVAGES
(No. 3 of 'Four Quartets')

T.S. Eliot ( 1888-1965 )

Men's curiosity searches past and future
And clings to that dimension. But to apprehend
The point of intersection of the timeless
With time, is an occupation for the saint;
No occupation either, but something given
And taken, in a lifetime's death in love,
Ardour and selflessness and self-surrender.

For most of us, there is only the unattended
Moment, the moment in and out of time,
The distraction fit, lost in a shaft of sunlight,
The wild thyme unseen, or the winter lightning
Or the waterfall, or music heard so deeply
That it is not heard at all, but you are the music
While the music lasts. These are only hints and guesses,
Hints followed by guesses; and the rest
Is prayer, observance, discipline, thought and action.
The hint half guessed, the gift half understood, is Incarnation.

All good wishes,

Amaro Bhikkhu

Through Your Eyes

captaink — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 01:27:22 CST

If I could only see
Through your eyes,
I'd know exactly what to do.
There'd be no little games to play or beating round the bush,
If I could only see
Through your eyes.

I've felt this way before but just don't understand why?
I think about you all the time
But wonder if its really worth another try?
Sometimes I'll see you and get uptight
Cause my feelings are just so strong.
I'll sit and sulk and stay away and feel that everything has gone wrong.

As I sit and write this song
It's hard to think just what to say.
I'm grateful for the love we share and hope you just might want to stay.
The shadows of my past inhibit my feelings for you.
As I lie awake at night
I pray that God will bring me through.

I wish I didn't feel this way but
I guess it's part of life.
So, I hope you'll understand that
If only I could see through your eyes
I'd know exactly what to do.
I'd hold you and love you and be your friend.
If only I could see
Through your eyes.

5/18/1983 Kirk Fuller

Everywhere and Nowhere

captaink — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 01:24:11 CST

Everyday I wake up thinking what's it going to be like?
Down in the valley or high on the hill?
Because life seems so confusing why it this so?
Out on the ocean blue
It's peaceful, calm and cool.
In a moment of strangely haunted memories
That peace is shattered into dust.
Some days can be so perfect others are just the pits.
Who in this wonderful world really gives a shit?
When others are in need of a helping hand.
Some are in the fast lane
Some are in the slow
But if you ask me where I'm at?
I really just don't know.
Cause this world is spinning so fast
I'm everywhere and nowhere.
That's where life's taking me.
Everywhere and nowhere,
How can this be?
Nothings ever done,
Always on the run
When will I every be free?

Kirk Fuller 7/2/1982